judgement day.

It’s been 160 days. That’s 5 months, 9 days, and 16 hours since I have touched this blog. No lie, I was on the verge of just deadin’ this shit and pretending it never happened but how? It would be physically impossible for me to stop doing the one thing that is possible no matter how sad I am, mad I am, defeated I am, etc. Writing is such a big part of my life and self-expression keeps me healing.

I am still not in remission yet but THAT is not the basis of this blog, judgment is. And I am not talking about judging myself, I am referring to that judging little chick inside my head that judges others. It is about time that I hold myself accountable. We all judge and quite frankly, when it comes to me, I am over it.

I want to work on accepting people for where they are and to understand that their freedom may present different than mine and that is OKAY. I am not the gatekeeper of self-development or getting free. As much as I love to empower others, I can think terrible things in my head and I am working day and night to change that. Judging others for their journey is not what I want to project. I want to cultivate understanding, compassion, grace.

So, this is my plan. Every single time I catch myself internally going “why are they ____?”, I ask myself “why not?”. Whenever I turn my nose up, I will try to go inward and ask myself “How does their happiness impact yours? IT DOESN’T”. Because who am I to determine what freedom, happiness, joy, overcoming, strength,looks like for anybody else? I have been doing this for about a week or so now and it is hard but for me, it is NEEDED.

We all have things we don’t get about others but that is okay. I want to accept others as I learn to accept myself. I want to judge others less as I learn to judge myself less. I want to embrace people where they are even if it’s from a distance as they embark on this journey like I am. The more I learn to accept the more I’ll learn to love.